WOO WE WON

yeah, so today i ran a lot and remembered why i l ike running. First we did 30yds worth of sprinting then we did a cut excerise with posts, 2 gasers 400yds each, and a couple more sprints :P, after that we play foot ball, and must i say we switched me a on a team so it would be even. Needless to say, as soon as i switched teams, i ran a hail mary into a cut, and caught the ball for a touch down, then i did a quick cross and caught it at the 1 yard line. yeah today was a good day, who wants to go do some sprints with me ??

i didnt make it :[

I didnt make it this semester so im gonna try next :D oh well, its God's will therefore there is a plan. But at least Lacrosse training went great. we played foot ball :D

I feel like the air is clean and a burden has been lifted :D

I am Vindicated

I am selfish

I am wrong

I am right

I swear I'm right

I swear I knew it all along

And I am flawed

But I am cleaning up so well

I am seeing in me now the things you swore you saw yourself

Vindicated by Dashboard confessional

Thank you (you know who you are)

i didnt mean to post after you left but i felt obligated to because i got thinking, and im happy :D sorry guys that my blog looks bipolar but i like blogging in extreme emotion :D

but hear ye hear ye im not the one cleaning myself up God is :D

again thank you and sorry

I want these words to pop out at you!

So these are my thought im not holding back, this time its for real
usually im mono tone but im serious and ironacally enough when im serious im not monotone

Right now im thinking about thing about my life

why people work the way they do

in case you wondering i have a song going through my head

so if you see some random words, thats what they are

i was going to hold off on blogging because i was waiting for 3 more people to comment, that i know have blogspot.

im on the verge, im on the verge,

of just jumping off the edge, been betrayed too many times

people are just people

and i guess i expect too much

im not writing this for your sympithy (sp)

but i am a man of feeling

whether that seem manly or not i frankly don't give an owls hoot

i dont want it, except maybe by one person but its not to get her to feel bad for me either

im writing it because this is a blog and after all aren't my thought suppose to be on here

the whole time.

I like this style of writing

i think society should accept it

it'd be a lot more fun to write in the middle of the page.

I cut myself shaving not too long ago and a blood clot came out

Im on the verge

of breaking out of my shell this is the last time i ever wanna be hurt.

Emotionally tortured, or in vain

I lost too many friends too many times, too many places too many ryhmes (hehe)

im not in a good mood and im gonna let you know it.

If i go hospitalized would you even know it? even care? or look around you to see if im there?

this time i've fallen far

and im afraid God doesn't want me back.

IM on the verge

of letting everyone know everything

more than just now

all the time, if you want ill let you know every single one of my insecurities

just ask, ironically this isnt something im just gonna put out there, im not permiscuous

have you ever wondered why i do what i do, why i pick on people even though i regret it afterward

its all a matter of my insecurities, its afterward i think about things, im too worried all the time whether people like me or not, whether im an annoyance or not

afterwards we sit down and think and notice we did screw up

My shame, my pity, my ignorance, my feelings, my selfstupidness is all here

all the time

but im sorry

there is nothing i can do about it

Im not God, i just wanna be a really strong follower of Christ.

Right now, the song welcome to my life feels like it applies, but it doesn't

ive lost too many groups of friends too many times

Just tell me what i do wrong, and not be like EVERYONE else and talk about me behind my back, and even if you don't i wanna know what you think about me...

In case you were wondering...

This sums it up
if you were here comment i wanna know who looks at my blog...

Its Quiz time.

---------BASICS--------
Full Name: Brian T. K-Garland
Age: 16
School: Old MIll OH YEAH 08
Email: Not available
Eyes: changes from green to hazel
Hair: brown
Height: 6' 3"
Shoe Size: 14
Who lives with you: Mom and Dad, bro moved out
When is your bedtime: i dont have one :P


---------HAVE YOU EVER--------
Flown on a plane: yeah
Drank so much water that you started to feel sick: LOL yeah
Missed school because it was raining: nope cant say i have
Told a girl that you liked them?: Yup :D
Been hurt emotionally: who hasn't?
Kept a secret from everyone: lol yeah
Had an imaginary friend: still do, his name is steven
Ever talked to yourself: who doesn't talk to themselves, seriously now
Been on stage: Yup :D
Cut your hair: Unfortunately
Had crush on a teacher: Cant say that i have

--------------Favorite------------
Shampoo: Redken
Favorite color: Red and Black
Day/Night: Night life is the life for me
Summer/Winter: Winter definately, snowboarding :D
Cartoon Character: hmmm, Bugs bunny
Favorite Food: IT's easier to ask what i dont like, and i can tell you, pancakes and french toast
Favorite Advertisement: MAN LAW!!!
Favorite Drink: Mountain Dew, or Cherry Pepso
Favorite Person to talk to online: Erin :D
Favorite Sport: Lacrosse is the sport for me
Favorite car:Mercedes Bens LS 2007
------------RIGHT NOW-------------
Wearing: Sack Cloth
Eating: A pic
Drinking: Mountain Dew
Thinking about: Erin
Listening to: Dark Blue by Jack Mannequin
--------IN THE LAST 24 HRS---------
Cried: nope
Laughed: yup
Worn Jeans: before i put on my sack cloth
Done Laundry: nope
Drove a car: yup
Talked on the phone: yeah
Said "I love you": nope, but i said i like you (alot) :D

---------DO YOU BELIEVE IN----------
Yourself:yes
Your friends:yes
Santa Claus:no
Tooth Fairy: i beat up the tooth fairy
Destiny/Fate: Yes
Angels: yes
Ghosts: Angels or demons
UFO's: Angels or Demons
God: UHH DUH

--------FRIENDS AND LIFE-----------
Do you ever wish you had another name? nope im proud of my own dynasty
Do you like anyone? OF COURSE :D
Which one of your friends acts the most like you? Mike W. definately he just doesnt know it yet
Which of your friends have you known the longest? Mike H.
Who's the loudest: Erin
Who's the shyest: Aly
Are you close to any family members?: My brother
Who do you hang out with the most? The cooks, Mike, Dj, and Justin
When you cried the most: dun remember prolly some ATF
What's the best feeling in the world? Love
Worst Feeling: No love
What time is it now? 10:24 PM
------FINISH EACH SENTENCE---------
Let's walk in: to the dark
Let's run through: the jungle while under pursuit by the Rock
Let's dance in: the room with the music
Let's look at the: stars
What a nice: day
Where did all those: people come from?
When will they: leave us alone
How are: the hot tomallies?
Why can't you: just leave?
Silly, little: poop face
Show me some: love
The sky is: purple with a hint of green
Tell me: you love me
Hide me: from the hideous thing call hate
Love me: more than i love you
My mom thinks you're: the bomb
He's not: that funny
Are you that: oblivious
Can't you: fly?
What time is it now: 10:43 mind the pause of talking to my brother

Quick update for now, il;l update more tomorrow

I love this song

HAPPY HAPPY

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ERIN :D the big 1-5 :D

This is inspiring (the determination part)

i wouldnt watch it if you get depressed easily..




ON a brighter note this weekend was good, next will be better and i can't wait for my interveiw with the job at which i am applying, so pray for me, that i may get this job, AND NHS, they induct on the 28th, so yeah i need prayer for that too, so please everyone pray for me please :D, and yeah school needs to let out now,

End post, Brian out

(2 days till Erin's Birthday, she is gonna love her present)

God Bless all

So i found this story i wrote last year for english...

We were suppose to take the Pit and the Pendulem and make it first person soo here it is...

Brian Garland November 9, 2005
“The Pit and the Pendulum: Remix”
“Run!” exclaimed my co-worker. As soon as those words died from his lips, I knew. I knew what was coming and I knew I had to get out. We were found out. Our only hope was through a trap door next to the press, which is where I just finished printing the third Bible of the day.
I started at a fast sprint, just as I saw a couple of inquisitorial agents coming into the back of our shop. I was the last one to make it out the trap door and into the alley. I tripped, leaving me hostage to the inquisitorial agents. They carried me away I shrieked for my life flashed before my eyes and I fainted, for it was as if I was carried away by death itself.
I woke up in a dark damp cell, and sat there for three months. As I sat there I started to ponder about my family, hoping they wouldn’t come searching for me, for they, too, would be arrested. I feared yet looked forward to my death, for it would bring peace, but it would be slow.
Finally, two guards led me, blindfolded to the courtroom as if they did not want me to see their cruelest inquisitorial tortures. As I sat in the chair they took off my blind fold, the darkness of the room has scared me. I knew the trial is going to be unfair. The whole time I was gazing at the marvelous courtroom. The darkness seemed to be interrupted by seven almost synchronized flickering candles. These candles are so conveniently placed on the table, that you can not see their faces, only see the black-robed judges. Their hands are white, so white it looks like they themselves have been tortured. The ceiling went up in an almost dome fixture, to be cut off by the opposing wall. And such marvelous carvings in the walls, I was fixed, until I heard my sentence.
Those words, they rang in my ears, “You are here by guilty of heresy, of publishing Bibles not admitted by the Catholic Church.” It doesn’t matter who it came from, my heart sank so much that, I was confused whether it was the judges, the jury, or even the guards all I know is the my penalty, death. Oh! How sweet was death at that moment, I was not about to let them torture me, I was going to kill myself! But just as this thought aroused, the judges started to fade, the candles went out, and I have fallen back as if I were falling into the pits of hell.
I had fainted, but consciousness was not lost. I am neither asleep nor drugged; I was lost, in a state between alertness and consciousness. I know I’m not dead, for if I were there would be no immortality for man. I vaguely remember being dropped down; all I know is two shadows have closed the door of the wretched cell. I felt dizzy as I fell to the ground. I can also tell something horrible happened due to the beating of my heart. There I lay flat on the cold stone floor motionless, as if I had to out run a train. I was covered in madness, madness of my mind which busies itself with thoughts of family, and friends, which is all forbidden.
I finally got some sense knocked into me. I just got more than a gist of my thoughts, every sense in my body just amplified. My body was as if it were asleep, some of it tingling, the rest of it numb. As I got myself together, the trail, me fainting and how I got to where I am, has come into memory.
I made my first attempt to move. I slump my arm out and let it fall. It hit knuckles first, on the damp, and hard. I feared of what I had hit. I feared there would be nothing in my sight. Opening my eyes my worst fears came to life. I couldn’t see my hand if my arm was outstretched, for light was not completely excluded. Covered by the darkness, I had trouble breathing. For I have the fear of the unknown.
Still lying down, I started to think if I was dead or not. I started when I got caught back at the shop. Proceeding from there I started to tie ends together. The night I was tried I remember there was a burning of a heretic. My brain reeling, I started wondering how long I was going to stay in here, another week; a few months maybe? Then I remember my friend Darius III. He was caught and tried. His sentence was death, and he met his sentence only a couple days later. None the less I knew I was in Toledo, due to the stone floors I have heard in common myths.
This new idea created a panic in me, my heart started racing so fast it felt as if cold arrows pierced my very heart again and again, causing me to faint once again.
When I started waking up I got to my feet at once, shaking constantly, not knowing what might face me. I spontaneously swung my arms in every direction. Being afraid to move a fiber in my legs, fearing I may impale myself on a spike in the walls of this death pit. Wondering what lay in my next step, I started sweating so bad that it almost sounded as if there was a well near by. My curiosity got the best of me and I outstretched my arms, and strained my eyes.
Taking these steps, I have a hope that I will see some trace of light. Failing in my search I started to seize my anxious moves, a simple breath of relief come out as I began to realize that my death was not so hideous.
Moving again, the repeated tales of the horrific deaths came, flooding my mind with pictures of unspeakable torture. I began to wonder, what treacherous way am I to die? Would I die by starvation in this abyss, or a more gruesome deliberate death?
This kept me busy for an hour, until I ran my fingers onto a cold, slimy, stone wall. Realizing that I can find out what kind of cell I am in by feeling my way around the wall. Also realizing that the wall had uniform groves I could place a type of marker to let me know when I made a full circuit. I started to reach for my knife that I had when I was in trial, for I was planning to break the lock with that very blade. It became a disappointing fact when I found out I had been stripped of all my possessions, being replaced by rough garment like material. So I ripped a piece off the sleeve and stuck it in a nice groove, in the middle of the wall.
Near the end of my journey, walking amongst slippery floors, I came to a section where it became sticky. My foot became stuck and fell. Fatigue came over me while. My perseverance to complete my circuit failed, and I began sleeping.
I was waking up when I saw a pitcher of water and a loaf of bread near me. My body; overtaking my mind made me partake in the meal without thinking. Right away I got to my feet and started counting the paces again. I counted up to fifty-two when I fell; touching the rag I counted forty-eight more. The shape and the size of the cell are confusing me why they would put me in such a big odd-shaped cell.
My intuition could never find out so I should have stopped, but my curiosity is still pushing me. Taking a few paces out my foot became stuck and I fell again. Landing face first I cursed as the pain ran through my chin, for the rest of my head is still elevated.
I just realized what really is happening. The fact that my head is wet with a substance not of my own bodily functions gave me my first clue. But the smell in my nostrils made it real. There was a pit that I have fallen short of.
I felt around breathlessly as I wet myself because of the fear that was put inside me. I’m curious though as to how deep this pit truly is. So I felt around even more until I grasped an unknown object and felt my way back to the hole.
I threw the object down the hole, and my heart ran into my throat as I heard three cracks on the wall, then a plop followed by an echo.
As soon as the echo finished its screech to the world, I heard a door open. Then a sudden light came on, and I saw their plot of my death. The black stone walls covered in blood, the gray stone floor scattered with blood and bones. I realized where my foot got stuck, and it was in the not-so-old blood As soon as I saw how close I came to falling in the pit I thanked God for saving me, and I began to applause my faults. For if I dared to take another step I would not have been seen again.
I stopped congratulating myself when I saw the horror of the inquisition. The tyranny they impressed on me to choose, death or death. I am given the choice a fast painless way of death or a cruel unimaginable death that is completely painful which was reserved for me if I did not take the quick death. I started wailing, every nerve in me became unstrung. I was trying to calm myself, but even my own voice scared me. I had no hope death was upon me no matter which path I choose. The torture has already begun.
Scared beyond words I wiggled as I felt my way back to the wall. I saw my pathetic self in the corner of this dungeon. These thought got themselves ran over by the thoughts of my family, my beautiful wife and two boys. If it were not for them I would have the courage to throw myself in the abyss set up for me; but now I am greatest of scoundrels. And what I could not kick out the thoughts of the tortures I have read about.
Anxiousness kept me up for hours on end, but as time crept by I finally slumbered. I woke up. Again a loaf of bread and some water lay next to me. A dying thirst came over me. I must have drank away at something good because a tiredness came upon me, such tiredness that I felt like my eternal sleep has arrived.
I woke up to a light. I had been moved in my slumber, to a low sturdy wooden frame. I attempted to move but was interrupted when a surcingle got into my path. I could only move my head and my left arm due to the rest of my limbs being tied down. The only reason I could move my arm was to grab the poorly seasoned meat, and to my disappointment, there was no beverage. It seems as if my tormentors knew I was thirsty.
I began to survey the ceiling which seemed to be forty to fifty feet high. I noticed something, a pendulum it reminded me of a double sided scythe. It swung slowly as it was the grandfather of all clocks. The blade made me cast it a second glance, and then I confirmed that it is a pendulum. Watching it amused me. The force of the swing is secure. A sense of fear began its course, but it was soon overrun by fascination as I marveled at its design.
I grew tired of the molasses moving pendulum and heard a noise. I turned my head and saw huge rats; they have been lured by the smell of meat. Their carnivorous eyes have eyed the meat and required me to focus on scaring them away.
My eyes strayed up to be surprised by how much the pendulum had descended. Horror came over me as I saw the semi-circle razor swing by me with great velocity and force. I wasn’t bothered by the thought of death just the fact that the death would come slowly as it slowly descended. I couldn’t stop paying it attention for the blade hissed now as I continuously swung above me.
The rumors became real. The ingenuity of monkish torture had filled my head, they have no mercy. I could have taken the courageous way out and died the gruesome death of the abyss. But I chose the milder death. I laughed at myself when I realized the terms I have used in my head.
Who else could tell you such a treacherous story that was true? For I have been lying in my wooden bed for days now, as the pendulum swept closer and closer.

Its not completely done, but hey it was a long time ago. :D

other than that work was fun tonight, and my internet didnt get cut off, also the cooks visited me at work so all in all it was a good night :D

I need to hear it every once in a while

all of us need to know some more than other

Looking forward to better days...

Hmmm, well tonight pretty much sucked, worked sucked, my mom is treatin me like im 12, i've had the feeling of being ignored hanging over my head, ive also had the stress of getting into the NSA on my head, and the NHS, im tired of being depressed and tired of dropping hints, tired of over analyzing everything in my life, tired of assuming the worst when most the times it comes out better, tired of not knowing what im gonna do when i grow up and just tired of being tired. i gotta get up at 6:20 on my day off, and i dont think anything is going to be able to cheer me up for a while, at least until tomorrow night



-HELP